One good thing that came out of my years in CCM industry was meeting the love of my life. Adam, my husband, began tour with us back in 2015 as our drummer. 

Our story is special, but the short version is… nobody saw it coming. We didn’t see it coming. I was engaged to someone else… when my world got flipped upside down. We broke things off, quite publicly… and it was the first time I got a real taste of what it is like to “fail publicly”. I got hooked. I'll come back to that later. I remember later falling so hard and being so in love with Adam that I knew it just had to be wrong. After all, I was taught that martyrdom was closest to holiness. I don’t often hear the voice of God so clearly… but I remember praying “God, if being this happy is wrong - I am okay being wrong”… I then heard “who do you think I am? Of course I want you to be happy”… then slowly but surely …my idea of who God is & what I really believe started being stripped away… and replaced with something freer. Something better - Something holier. And something so much more in line with who I believe God is. 

Adam & I got married January 6th, 2018. And by the halfway mark of that year… our CCM band started to dissipate… things started come crashing down and Adam & I were left with our questions. Our doubts. Our personal & spiritual identities were in question… As all of our adult lives, we had been touring CCM musicians… So, shorty after getting married we went through a series of mental, emotional, financial and spiritual challenges. It led us to *duh duh duh* deconstruction.

Without our careers, a church family or a support system around us…. I went head first into tearing apart, looking at closely and reanalyzing everything I had ever been taught. If you're not into Enneagram - I apologize in advance, but it may help you get a grasp as to how quickly & deeply I fell into deconstruction. I am a 5 with a quite near tie to being an 8. So, imagine if you will… the researcher in me (the 5) pairing with the challenger in me (the 8)… in terms of deconstruction. Adam jokes how he had no idea how deep I was into it until one day, I approached him with a thesis & explained how I was about to post my most controversial video on all my socials yet (at the time)…. I did it, lost tons of support. Got sick twice in a month from all the drama that ensued… and guess what? I got hooked. 

Years later & it seems at times, that I am still just trying to figure out more ways to really just make the people in my life uncomfortable or frustrated with the issues I bring to light. I love to share my experience. I love to share my thoughts, questions, doubts & journey. Essentially, I publicly document my human experience as a spiritual being.

Deconstruction, then of course, lead me to reconstruction. There are specific generational traumas I am working so hard to heal & I continue to lean into the ways of my ancestors. But there comes a time, when no longer is decolonizing enough. I now understand that the future must be indigenized. It is one thing to recognize systems that are colonized & to be frustrated. It is another to do something about it… to incorporate my indigenous lifestyle & mentality back into my life & into the world.

One of the ways we can do that is by taking care of ourselves & the planet simultaneously. Let’s explore the idea of a spiritual connection to the Earth… because we all deserve the peace & healing that comes from caring for the world around us. It is strange that within a lot of christianity, the connection with mother earth is not only ignored, but frowned upon…

Whether it's denying the reality of climate change or the seeming obsession with bacon. I live in the South east…. The bible belt of America. So, maybe that has something to do with it. But on fathers day one year, the evangelical church I used to attend… literally gave out bacon wrapped in plastic to all the dads. What is the deal with christians and bacon? I will actually be totally transparent & say I made the choice to be vegan over 5 years ago — for my health, the environment & for the animals. If the garden of Eden was supposed to be like heaven on earth — than thats what I try to shape my life around. Now I am not trying to get everyone to go vegan — although I can send you some great recipes. But there is beauty & health in knowing where you food comes from. Eating sustainably from what grows locally & in season, shopping at the farmers market and lessening your use of plastic and single use items & reducing your waste. These are all ways to be more sustainable and leave less of a footprint. Making conscious decisions to care for my body & the earth feels spiritual to me. And part of the path for many of us now on the other side of deconstruction, is an openness and curiosity to what it might look like to have more connection to the earth.

Another simple spiritual practice I use that grounds me to the earth is referring back to what I used to do when I was just a kid. I try to make a conscious effort to get outside, to disconnect from distractions and spend time being nurtured by nature. Get your feet in the dirt. So, whether it’s mountains or the beach or your own backyard, quiet reflection in the great outdoors can be a wonderful way to ground yourself. It's getting dark so early now, so getting outside is super important. I personally suffer from seasonal depression… and luckily I have a wild dog at home that will drive me crazy until I get her out for a walk. If you are able, move your body. Open the windows, let the light in and dance to your favorite music. It’s amazing how freeing it is to just move. And of course, if you can’t be outside very often… I always recommend bringing bits of earth inside…. My house is covered in indoor plants because they truly do just bring a sense of peace… of course, maybe don’t get plants if you tend to just kill them… As that might make things not very happy to look at. Haha. 

And lastly, you can try meditation. You can use specific grounding meditations that help you feel connected to the earth and to help you become more present. As you become more aware of your surroundings, you become more grounded. Mindfulness meditations are an important step in learning how to ground yourself. I’ve personally used headspace, Calm, 1 giant mind, & relax melodies. All have a wide variety of meditations you can choose to do. And if you don’t want to use an app… I most often times do a body scan meditation. Take 1 minute to scan your body and become aware of wherever you feel pain, tension, anxiety. Maybe your jaw is clenched, your chest is tight or you feel a little sick to your stomach.

Whatever it is, simply notice it and breathe into it. As you inhale, visualize sending breath into that space in your body. Exhale and let it pass. Just spend a few moments bringing breath to your body.

In these days, we all could add more ways to calm & ground ourselves. Nature also gives us things like herbal teas & tinctures. One of my favorite ways to settle into a meditation is by making myself a tea, sitting on my floor, and slowly sipping away. It is as simple as it sounds. Leave your phone behind to avoid scrolling. Just spend some time sitting still.

This simple activity always helps me feel calm, reminding me that I am supported at all times by the earth beneath me. It’s also a proactive way to get out of doing and into being.

If I am feeling too overwhelmed to calm myself for tea, I look for things to do that I KNOW. Getting into a familiar rhythm, an everyday, productive activity can anchor you in the present… something like folding the laundry, watering those plants, washing the dishes…. Caring for something with an immediate turn around reward can calm & ground an anxious mind and body. 

Lastly, I’d like to add…. Joy. One of my favorite people & someone I look up to very much once told me that she chooses Joy as resistance. What she meant is… joy is part of the work. You can meditate, pray, go on walks, manifest, chant… all you want, but at the end of the day — if you aren’t doing something every day that you enjoy… something that brings you happiness and life — all the other stuff can just become dogma. Checklists at the very list. When all is said and done… go get some chocolate, eat that ice cream, watch that hilarious Netflix series…. Think of the little things that make you smile or laugh. Choose those. Laughter is truly one of natures best gifts… it is our medicine. And it is free. 

I hope this was helpful and that some point this week you have time to implement a few of these practices. I am sending you peace and the reminder that you are loved and you belong. xo