HOW I BECAME AN LGBTQ+ AFFIRMING CHRISTIAN
As you may remember, several weeks ago I posted that I was changing. I’ve been changing. For a substantial amount of time. However, I believe in the past few months I have gone through the most radical evolution of myself and experienced more revelations collectively than I ever have. One of them being, I am now an outspoken LGBTQ+ affirming Christian. I’d like to say, that I’ve always had love. I’ve had friends who I loved adored and supported, but anytime anyone would ask me my thoughts - I was always so unsure of what to say. I grew up in a conservative household. And on top of that, I have a brand that I have been associated with for years now that has not affirmed the LGBTQ community. I have been scared of the backlash I would receive from my conservative family and following here on social media and in real life.
But please hear me when I say I am no hero for now being an affirming LGBTQ Christian. It is quite the opposite. I am sorrowful that it took me this long. I just hope my story / journey can help others who may be struggling with this topic and not allowing themselves to fully love our LGBTQ+ family and friends. And I don’t wanna call myself brave. Because here I am — a white passing married straight woman. I don’t get to be “brave”. But I’m totally stepping out of the way I was raised, knowing full well I’ll have plenty of backlash from friends, family and following who will assume I’ve “lost my faith," when it’s really quite the opposite. I’ve learned what it means to experience God for myself — in my own way. And I have learned to read the Bible for what it is and navigate my own spiritual life. I’m closer to God than I’ve ever been. But I knew if I was to accept and embrace and affirm the LGBTQ community — that I would have to question the Bible. And if I were to question the Bible.... I would question my whole entire life and the morales I've built my identity on. But it is oh so worth it.
I would like to think that in my past, for the most part, my actions spoke louder than my words. But let’s be real, how loud can my actions speak if my words don’t match up? Regardless, I was often my friends allies for coming out, I supported their relationships, I encouraged self-love, however if anyone asked questions - I was unsure of how to respond. I would say that the Bible says it’s a sin, but the Bible also says not to judge. But somewhere deep inside, I knew that wasn’t enough. Somewhere inside I knew that I could not be the ally to my LGBTQ+ friends, and support their relationships and then turn around and say I believe what they’re doing is a sin. I was living like a hypocrite. If I was lying to anyone - I was lying to the religious that I believed it was a sin. But who was I hurting in that? My LGBTQ fam and friends. Who’s religious reputation was I “saving”? Mine. But my spirituality was dying. My faith in God was fading. My hope for the world was slipping away. And if you know me, that is the very last thing I want to be — a hypocrite. My goal in life is to be authentic and real, open and honest. Expanding my mind, spreading love, and seeking truth. So without further ado, I’d love to walk you through how I got here, what brought me to this place, and some of the cues that clued me into being the affirming believer I am today. (Of course there were countless little things that brought me here — but to keep this succinct, I have chosen my top 3.)
When I was young, I wanted to invite my gay friends to church. Not so that they could be reformed or “straightened out”. But so that they could experience God in the same way that I had lovingly experienced God. But I knew that if they came to my church, they would not be welcome. So I never did. And I am glad I didn’t. I cant imagine the hurt I could have potentially caused in their lives. (Not saying there aren’t affirming churches, I just didn’t attend one.) Probably much to many of my more conservative fam & friends’ dismay, I actually had been a confidant for several of my childhood gay friends for when they were first coming out. I didn’t tell anyone this because at the time, I felt shame for helping others live out their “sinful lifestyles.” (Please know I would never use that ignorant terminology now.) But something in me knew that this wasn’t wrong and knew that love is love. This is all the while I am told to believe that being gay a sin. If anyone asked me, I would say yeah I believe it is a sin. But God loves everyone. And I’m not here to judge. Sound familiar? Probably. “Love the sinner, hate the sin”. Yuck - what cheap love.
My other cue, was when I fell in love with my husband. I remember when we first started dating, we KNEW we were destined. We knew in our hearts and in our souls that we were meant to be intertwined and felt as though we had been lovers through the ages and past lifetimes and will always continue forever and ever. (We still feel that way.) I remember when we first started dating, I told Adam that no matter what, nothing would stop me from being in love with his soul. That his body was just the shell of what I loved. Not to say that I don’t find him incredibly attractive and sexy — but that’s just the outside. There is no lifetime, no other reality and no bodily function that could keep myself from loving him. Like for the first time, I truly understood that when you fall in love with a soul — nothing matters. Not gender or anything physical. For a soul is bodiless.
Another cue: I remember saying to my husband that I hoped our kids would not be gay. Not because I was nervous about raising LGBTQ children. But because I knew deep within my soul that if my child told me they were gay, I would at once, lock arms with them and wave the pride flag high. I was scared to know that I would finally “give in” to what I always believed in my heart of hearts. That I would be affirming and would in turn, disrupt the core beliefs I once built my identity on. I knew that there was nothing that I would do to stand in the way of my child’s happiness and love for life. That recognition, within myself, awakened a curiosity in me that had been there my whole life. But up until that point, I had never allowed myself to open up, and to consider taking another look at my core beliefs taught by my religious upbringing, family and essentially the culture I grew up in. And that’s when I picked back up my conversation with God on this topic. Where we left off, over a decade earlier when a best friend of mine came out. I picked that conversation back up with God. I once again, started my research, started reading, pleading and talking with God. And it lead me here. And maybe that story is for another day, another time. There is still so much to say… including some of the reasons I believe I was stagnate in this conversation for so long. But I think I will leave it here for now.
Idk where you are on your journey of life... but know that you are loved where you are. You may be ready to hear this message. You may not. And that’s okay. Bottom line — you are loved. By God & by me.
I did not become affirming overnight. It took me about 11 years. The “cues” I talk about in this post were not what changed my heart fully… but they were moments in my life that got me to dig deeper.
And before anyone quotes scriptures, please know that I am well acquainted with all the verses you may quote on this topic. If you want to believe being gay is a sin - you can take verses from the Bible and “prove” that its a sin. However, if you really want to figure out God’s heart on the matter - you can’t just pick Bible verses. You have to do an earnest deep dive. You have to look at the ancient Greek and Hebrew. For a little while, I put the conversation with God on hold while I was in the limelight of being a touring Christian artist. And I was thankful the topic of homosexuality never really came up because I was so conflicted. I didn’t want to talk about it. But in the last few years, since being married to the love of my life and being off tour and having my own faith challenged through life circumstances - I picked that conversation with God back up. And I dove deep.
As a Christian, I believe that Scripture informs our walk, but an encounter with the Holy Spirit can change everything. Through my cues as an adult, it was as if God was allowing me to feel the weight of it all. This was the beginning. And I read my Bible, and listened to podcasts, researched the Greek and Hebrew, watched youtube videos… I did the work. All while listening to God’s voice speak to me.
Fear not. God used my human experiences to allow me to ask the hard questions, and bring me to a greater understanding.