You’re allowed to dream without a plan. You’re also allowed (and probably should be) a little scared of your dreams too. I personally want to do what I love & love what I do. But I have to allow myself to dream it up first. My screensaver right now currently says “do literally whatever makes you happy”... and I really have been trying to live in that space. 2020 is all about reevaluating, isn’t it? It can be uncomfortable. But the dreaming up part is so much fun. Don’t forget to be a kid & just dream. “In my perfect world, I....” Start there. Permission granted to live your best life. Permission granted — because you’ve always had permission. 

Who would you be if you made that change that you’ve been thinking about? And conversely, who would you be if you didn’t? I think the second question or answer frightens me enough to get me into motion. If I stayed, if I didn’t take the risk, if I didn’t push the envelope… who would THAT make me? What would my life look like if NOTHING changed? Pretty eerie right?

Because of all the time at home, we have all the time to think & overthink. And trust me — it is equally inspiring as it is intimidating. There are times I feel like I can’t even put to words what it is I actually want. It’s like my mind goes on autopilot & I can’t seem to get it to focus. I have days or weeks of buzzing around with creative ideas & productivity & other times where I feel like expression is the last thing I can do or think about. My mind gets very quiet. And silence has always been my frenemy. On one hand - I need lots of it. I enjoy my time of reflection & quiet moments. Quiet days or weeks even. But on the other hand — silence can make me feel a little crazy too. Feeling like I’m screaming but I can’t seem to make a sound — scary. Silence can also make me feel irrelevant & useless. When I feel like I have nothing to say... I get nervous. I get anxious. But my worth isn’t measured by what I have to offer. It never will be.

But as scary as that all sounds — I DO have a choice. YOU have a choice. Welcome the idea that your mind can be safe place to retreat to. Allow yourself to dream, take action & ground yourself. I think all 3 motions work together in tandem. I’ve talked about my walks around the neighborhood which grounds me, but I also find just sitting & soaking in the sun can be just as therapeutic… or even playing in the rain, bringing my little plant babies outside to bathe themselves in a holy water baptism — soaking in the divine.

And I know it’s hard to stay in your own lane & not get sucked into everything on social media. I’ll be the first to say - I like to stay up to date. WAP just came out… and whew. Do people have opinions or what? I’ve been loving seeing the positive responses from people I once wouldn’t have expected. But I am not sure why supporting women like Cardi is being seen as reckless. As if there has to be some “middle ground” between “How He Loves” & “WAP”. I mean maybe there is? But is that really that important? Liberation isn’t clear cut and everybody’s “balance” looks different. We don’t live in a binary world — and that’s beautiful. Someone’s “middle ground” can look so different than yours or mine — and that’s absolutely wonderful. To think that there IS a perfect middle ground is yet another extreme... but then, maybe that’s extreme of me. ;) the merry go round can never really end but that’s part of the joy of learning & growing.

I don’t know how I got into talking about WAP… but my point stands. I don’t think there is a perfect balance between dreaming, doing, thinking, planning… I think they can work together, but balance is what balance is for YOU. And that’s all that matters. Dreams can be scary but dreams are wonderful. You’re wonderful. You’re full of potential. Believe that. Live that.