5 ways to be a happy loner
LONER: someone who prefers being alone or chooses to be alone.
Maybe you ARE a loner… and you just need to hear me say, “Good on you!” keep doing you…. Accept and embrace that you are a loner (which in my eyes is a wonderful thing)! Take care of YOU. Be proud to be a loner. But what if you have FOMO? The fear of missing out, and you feel you have to be a part of everything at all times….
I will say, most loners are introverts — although, not all of them. Let me explain to you that being an introvert does not mean you are exempt from the horrible case of FOMO. I, for one, am EXTREMELY introverted. Every personality quiz I’ve taken says I weigh heavily on the introverted side vs extraverted. But I’ve always known this about myself. I get exhausted being around people, carrying conversation (even conversations I throughly enjoy). So, my alone time is extremely important to me. However, I do often suffer from FOMO. I always wonder if I am missing out on the best, funniest or life changing moments by being alone. So, I kind of found a way to have the best of both worlds. I also want to note that you can be an extravert and a successful loner. I think it is healthy for everyone to know how to be happy kicking it on their own from time to time.
Being alone is not a negative thing. Being alone is not something to avoid. In society we see the positive in the skill of sociability but rarely do we hear compliments of praise for the ability of being alone. Being a loner does not mean locking yourself up away in your room for days at a time…. I will say, as an introvert… there are times I love doing just that. But when I’m ready to get back out there in public…. These are a few things I do to keep my loner self happy and healthy.
1. Make some space. I am loner… and I live in a 600 square foot apartment (it used to 400 square feet) with my husband and dog. Things get cramped. But let me tell you…. I HAVE to have space. As a loner, I need to feel like I have a bubble for just me and my thoughts…. I’ll admit… a lot of time, that physical space is in the bathtub. Adam doesn’t really take baths (unless things are getting kinky — which then in that case, I don’t mind) and Patchouli (our pup) hates baths all together. So, that is my space. If you live with other people too, you might find that your closet is your space. I remember sooo many times in my childhood where I hid in the closet or sat in the sink in a locked bathroom because I just needed some alone time. I didn’t really do anything… just needed some me time. Don’t be ashamed to lock yourself away. To be a happy healthy loner… you gotta just make whatever you have, work.
2. Find your time. Get up early or go to bed later. Adam falls asleep pretty much around the same time every night. If he is on our bed… he will for sure fall asleep. Sometimes I take advantage of that time and watch youtube videos… or enjoy a nice long bath. Adam works 4 days a week — and those days I am on my own. I adore my husband and I love every minute with him! But I don’t think I would enjoy every minute if I didn’t have a few minutes without him. Know what I mean? Make the time.
3. Go out alone! I will admit… Adam is great at this. He and I are actually both loners. And he utilizes the days I am working or busy and he takes himself out on movie dates. Our whole relationship I have known that he loves doing this. It fills up his movie going and loner bucket. He likes to feel independent and so do I. I love encouraging him to embrace that side of him. Because, A) I understand the feeling. B) He comes back more refreshed and feeling like himself again. In the spring time, I often take myself outdoors to enjoy the sunshine by myself. I will hop in the car, head to a store to pickup some chocolate and enjoy walking around a market. I love that alone time. To be honest, during the colder months I pretty much turn into a hermit and never want to leave my house, but I am okay with that. This hibernating bear comes out of hiding in spring.
4. Coffee shops are your best friend. There is no denying that Adam and I love coffee. We love the entire experience. We love making it, smelling it, drinking it, discovering it and trying different coffee shops. This was something we very much bonded over when we were on tour. Although I am painfully introverted, I love being around energy of people doing their own thing. Coffee shops are my jam! Bring a book, some headphones or just enjoy your cup of joe while talking to no-one and doing nothing. Ah, it's the simple things.
5. Don’t stop exploring. Like I said before, being a loner does NOT mean you need stay in your room at all times! Get out there! Just because you don’t want to be with anyone specific, does not mean you cant be out there in the world. Creating time for yourself can mean anywhere at any time.